Today is a lousy day for a myriad of reasons. First and foremost, I have an ear infection and a migraine on top of that. Because of the pain in both my ear canal and in my head....everything I take for pain, and the antibiotic comes right back up.
I went to work, but by 1:30, I knew I had to come home. Now I am snuggled in my bed with a nice cup of tea and my laptop. I hope I feel better in the morning, but if not...I will just stay home.
I have had some time to do some blog hopping. I read one that was such a damn trigger. It took me back to my youth with my father....and to my first husband.
I would almost rather be called anything than "stupid". In fact, when my children were young, stupid was not a word that was permitted in my home. Still today....it is not said...not by me and not by my husband.
As a therapist working with clients of all types and with various dx, passive aggressive people got to me the most. They can almost never be pleased. They dont have the skills necessary to take an issue on directly. Instead they go silent...bang things around...sigh a great deal...mutter under thier breath...act like martyrs....and are often extremely sarcastic.
All of those things are violent acts. There has never been a truer statement than one of the first that I learned in university. "Silence is Violence" Silence is a predominant trait in a passive aggressive personality. We ...the ones on the receiving end, are left fearful for the next shoe to drop. We are forced to constantly think ahead, lest we say or do something to offend the PA individual.
I spent a lifetime with people like that and choose today to address it right away if it someone close....and keep my distance if not. People like that are hostage takers.
You may not agree...and thats ok. I know it has been true in my life, and for me...that is what is important.
Poetry Book
4 years ago
6 comments:
Casey or Laurie - not sure which is right - first, let me say I'm very sorry you have an ear infection. I just had one a few months ago and OUCH. They hurt. It's no wonder babies scream with them.
Given your comment and your blog post, I'm guessing my blog was the one you hopped to that was "such a damn trigger." I'm sorry for that. Not sure if you read my blog regularly, but I have said before that my blog is my way of venting - I don't try to be objective. I vent online because it's safe to do it here. Then I can be calm and objective when dealing with my husband. I really don't say those things to him - or when I do - it's in a kidding fashion. I am certainly not passive aggressive. Trust me, if I have an issue I say it.
Like you said - "it's true in your life and that is what is important." What is true in my life is that I am most definitely not silent in a violent way. That's the truth and that's important.
Glad to see you posting again. Sorry that you have been ill; hope the infection clears up soon.
And glad you were able to express yourself.
{{{{{{Laurie}}}}}}
Kahless...as ususal all I can say to you is thankyou! I so wish I had a friend like you in real life. I like your bluntness...and especially your sense of adventure. I feel like I travel with you everywhere you go, because of your descriptions of the places you have been. I admire your love and respect for Mrs. K. She is lucky...but I think you are too.
I also empathize when you speak of your work. Your feelings of inadequacy..when what I see is is an extremely capable woman, who somewhere down the line...had her self esteem shaken. I can see it rising to the top again.
Enola...I too realize that a blog is a place to vent. Its the reason I do it too. I often say things here that I wouldnt say to someone else...because I would not want to inflict emotional pain.
I dont judge you...or your relationship. A trigger is all that post was to me...and after a couple of days...even dour old me can see the humour.
Perhaps I have spent too many years in the counselling field...but I had no right to label you passive aggressive. I dont know...maybe your hubby was laughing as you were talking to him. All I know, is that it took me back to a father who once did this to me.
After I had been the Exec. Director of a treatment centre for several years, I received a letter from our community college, asking me to consider developing and teaching a course of "counselling skills". I was over the moon that someone considered me a person who had something to offer. The people pleaser that I was, I called my dad to tell him.
I will never forget how he laughed and laughed. And then he said..."what in the hell can you teach anyone"? I am the oldest, but for some reason nothing I did measured up to my sibs. My sister is an accountant....my one brother was in the air force...and the other brother works for a contractor. I earned a 4.0 all through uni...moved up quickly in all my jobs....spoke to groups of hundreds of people....wrote government proposals..all while raising a family and being married to a drunk. Nothing was ever enough. Stupid was my dads favourite name for me..and because he did it...so did my first husband. I dont even know how I managed to force myself to keep getting ahead. Perhaps it was spite.
My mother was my saving grace perhaps. I could have scrubbed floors and she would have thought that was great. It meant a great deal to me.
Dads attitude toward me trickled down to all my sibs except my youngest brother. I am more educated than all of them...and yet when we are all together I say and do really dumb things. I cant seem to help myself and it makes me crazy...and family visits are a nightmare.
Everytime I express an opinion on something I hear..." oh boy...there she goes again"
I have been constantly ridiculed for my choice of career because in thier minds, I work with low lifes.
The fact that I have bipolar and especially chronic depression, just serves to give them more ammo to use against me.
See Enola...I do know this is a place to vent. I am sorry if I hurt you at all. It was never my intent.
My name by the way is Laurie...Casey is the name of one of my beloved dogs.
Laurie,
You are very very insightful.
I think you have me sussed.
I have been thinking a lot about my self esteem / confidence lately. It really holds me back. I have been thinking a lot about what I can do about that.
Thanks for your comment.
Laurie - we probably work with a lot of the same people now. I tell you, moving from private practice (focus on $$$$$) to government service (focus on services and helping the less fortunate) is a huge eye opener. I'm gaining all sorts of new perspectives.
"stupid is as stupid does" forrest gump. its taken us a long time to relaise we werent stupid in fact we are smart so maybe bein smart makes not so smart people feel they have to call me stupid to make themselves look smarter.
hope you feel better soon and good to see you back blogging we ahve been missing you
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