My brother came to stay with me in the first week of January. I was so excited to have him come...and the visit has been wonderful. His company sent him here to work on a job, and I have had the pleasure of cooking some of his favourite foods...and then spending the evenings chatting.
The entire time he has been here, my routine has done an about face. Instead of retiring to my room right after the dinner dishes and clean up, I spend a few hours visiting.
Instead of just tossing dinner together, I put some real thought into it, and try and set my table nicely. It has been good. It has also made me realize that I have been pining too. I am very family oriented, but since my mom died in 1998, and then I moved so far away, I have had to muzzle a lot of that instinct. I had to, because I am far away from everyone. Now when I go home, it is really overwhelming for reasons I dont really understand, and I dont usually have that great a time. Perhaps I can change this...at least I will try.
He leaves tomorrow, and I miss him already. We have made plans to travel back to Ontario in July though, so I can look forward to this.
I need to decide this week if I will go to Nova Scotia in March to visit my daughter. I really do think I will go, but work is so busy, I am not sure it will be without guilt.
Guilt...what a horrible word. Guilt has a good purpose...if we use it correctly. It tells us when we have been acting unfairly....or when we have done something we know is wrong. Well...thats what it does for most people. I can take guilt to all time high though, and end up feeling guilty for things that I have absolutely no control over.
This is an area I want to work on.
Tell me...how does guilt work in your life?
Poetry Book
4 years ago
3 comments:
I'm pretty good with guilt. I learned a long time ago to discern between appropriate guilt and that guilt I'd learned to take on as a child. That helps a lot.
My therapist used to say 'fuck guilt' cos I felt so guilty about things that I shouldnt feel guilty about.
There is a time and place for guilt, but a lot of the time I think we end up feeling guilty cos we were taugh to feel like that as kids.
Guilt is my constant companion--like one of those unwanted house guests you can't seem to shake.
I know intellectually there's a difference between genuine and false guilt, but it seems I have to experience the false guilt to a certain degree before I recognize it for what it is.
Beauty
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