The end of the week musings

Its Friday...and that means the weekend. This Friday, it also means the beginning of 10 days of this years vacation.



I have broken vacation up this year, into 3 segments. I am taking 10 days now, and we are going to travel to the states by car. I love this kind of vacation. We drive each day until we are tired, and then find a nice place to stay. We try to stop early enough to venture out and see whatever local sights might be available. Mike is an excellent companion for me in so many ways, but especially this.



We are in sync when it comes to holidays and he is so funny and knows how to make me laugh. I am usually the navigator...and I always get us lost. He thinks I do it on purpose...perhaps I do. Sometimes I drive...but not often.



I am taking another week in September to go away for a wedding, and then he and I want to go somewhere hot this winter. Winters where I live are long, cold and dark. It begins at the end of September, and is not over until mid June. Our temps are 50 degrees celsius. Very very cold. We need to have a break from that in January or February.



Being bipolar really isnt dependent on the seasons like some other types of depression. What I have found though, is that even though I am a rapid cycler...it is much worse in the winter months. Last winter was horrid.



It has been very quiet at work today. Perhaps because so many people are on vacation....not sure.



So....as I sit at my desk, I have been reading blogs. I read these blogs every evening, but today I got to peruse them a great deal. Some of them have a very religious slant to them. Thats NOT the reason I read them however.



I read them because of the blogger, and the stories that each have to share. Today though, I was thinking. Thinking, and feeling a little something that felt like envy. I wish I could believe everything so easily. I wish I could have the kind of faith that some of these women have.



Its real for them too. Its not something that they are just saying for the heck of it. Its real for them, and it seems to me that is has impacted their lives in such a positive way.



I do believe in God....or something. I wouldnt really know what to call it. I also have convinced myself that there is a better place than here....and that I will get to see my loved ones there after death. I believe this because the grief is overwhelming, and I need something to hold onto.



I dont know....I get confused. I have a difficult time looking at the things that happen in the world to people....and I wonder, where is God in all of this? Why do innocent children have to starve....why do innocent people have to die in a war fought for oil or money to line some fat cats pocket? Cause lets face it....thats usually why wars are fought. Weapons of mass destruction be damned!



Too much happens, and if I hear when "life gives lemons...make lemondade" one more time in reference to God....I will scream. In truth, I would like to have the strength of character that so many of those posters do.

I live by the golden rule...well I attempt to at any rate. Its a good rule to live by, but I would like to walk everyday with certainty and peace that many people with strong faith do.

Now...its time to go and pack..play with my dogs for a bit. Poor things are being babysat. We usually take them, but like people who have small children, (because thats what our pets are to us) we felt like time alone.

I will take my laptop I think. Would hate to go into blog withdrawal while away.