Bipolar Wednesday

I just never know when...but I always know it will. I am talking about rapid cycling. God I hate this crap!



I can be so damned normal for quite a while...then all hell breaks loose. Often it happens quickly...but usually these days I can sense it happening before it really does. I think thats because I am so concentrated on checking my emotional stability from day to day. I dont have the luxury of just living my life. I have done far too many outrageous things, said too many horrible things, both of which I have recently done.

I hate this illness. I hate that it consumes so much time, even when I am well. I hate taking the pills....I hate the rages that often times happen. I hate the up up times....because that is when I do the most damage.

My doc asked me what was worse. Depression or mania. Well the depression feels worse of course. Life doesnt feel worth living at those times, but at least I isolate, I dont talk...and I dont do stupid things. The mania is the thing that scares me. Someday...perhaps...I will tell you about that.

Overheard...

Sister in law at lunch time..." how was your morning:

5 year old niece.." it was ok"

SIL..." what are your friends names?"

Niece.." well, there is Karen, Susan, Heather and...Harpreet"

8 year old niece..." Harpreet??? what kind of a name is that?"

SIL...." hush now...its different, she comes from a different country!"

5 year old...." awww...now I know why she is late everyday!"

OPINIONS ARE LIKE....WELL YOU KNOW

I have started..stopped, deleted, and re-started my blog over and over again. I'm not sure why that is, except that I really believe I need to have some kind of theme.

Its ok to go off on tangents once in awhile, and I will surely do that, but I want this to be a place to come to voice my opinions on the things that interest me. Those things/topics are far too numerous to permit me to have a theme...so I will just play it by ear I guess.

In the long run, this blog is a place for me to come back to, in order that I may opine of course...but also to check and see if it is obvious to me that views change from time to time. We will see.

If someone comes to visit, well you are welcome. You can respond to the posts in whichever way you feel you must, but I will reserve the right to remove a post that I feel was made just to harangue or because you are pissed at the world and I look like an easy target.

All in all....its just a place to talk, even if it is just to myself.