They are as follows...Casey..the oldest, then Finnegan, and finally the one I will be picking up today...Bailey....will affectionately be referred to as Mr. Dressup. My kids loved the show when they were little.
Poetry Book
4 years ago
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Sunday Morning thoughts.
I have been doing very well not taking the mood stabilizers. I am not one to dx myself, but I am starting to absolutely believe that I didnt need that med. The anti depressant yes...and I will never stop that because of my terror of the depressions I have had.
Anyhow...thats not the purpose of this blog. I have received much encouragement of late from blog pals to continue writing. The nervousnes of saying the wrong...or perhaps even stupid things has started to lesson.
Something deep inside me has been stirring. I have started doing things I havent done for so so long. This will sound crazy, and perhaps to some, not that important, but I have begun to take more of an interest in my appearance. I have many nice clothes, but was always just jumping out of the shower and throwing on a pair of jeans and a sweater for work. My employer isnt upset by that...he doesnt even notice what I wear...just cares that my work is done in a capable manner.
What I wondered...was all this about. The taking care with choosing my clothes...the new methods of skin care...the applying of makeup...the desire to let my hair grow long enough to play around with it a little bit. Its not I can assure you...and desire to look good for someone else. I think...and again I dont know if this sounds reasonable...its a way to show my husband how much I care.
I am married to the most wonderful and loyal man. He loves me no matter what...but I havent been putting much effort into my relationship with him for a long time now. The little things count I believe.
Recently...he has been having severe chest pain, that the docs gave him nitro for. I have changed both our diets significantly....he has lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks...due to his food changes, and he is working out 3 days a week. I dont mind telling you though, that until all his test results come back, I am afraid. His blood pressure is awful, and the day they gave him the nitro his blood pressure was 229 over 172. I know the docs were scared that day. Of course Mike is stubborn...and refuses to miss even 5 min of work.."sigh"
He goes for a stress test on the 16th. These tests can take awhile to arrange, but I went to his doc with him, and I was very blunt and just a tad angry. I did this...because I believe we all need someone to advocate for us with docs and hospitals.
I think what it did, was trigger the memory of my mothers death. I was not with her in the hospital...for which my guilt is horrendous. Had I been there....I would have been able to notice that her blood sugar was dropping and she needed help. I would have pounded desks if I had to....and I believe my mother would still be alive. She had a mastectomy...and I wanted to be there, but I lived far away, and she told me she wanted me to come when they discharged her...which would have only been 2 more days. Against my better judgement...I listened. I have paid a price for that for the last 10 years. Sorry...got off track...this isnt about my mom...its about Mike, and my concern for him.
Any how....I am trying to ensure that when he comes home to his new diet foods...he also comes home to a wife who tries to look as attractive as she can for him. Perhaps this is too much info...especially for a Sunday...but I have even become the aggressor in the bedroom....a far cry from my earlier nature. To see the ways his eyes light up with delight makes me happy.
I want him to know just how much I love him....that I will do all it takes to keep him healthy and happy....and that life would be not worth much without him. Its a shame it takes a scare or illness for this to happen in a relationship...but I know that if often does.
My hope is for all of you....to enjoy your relationships. To get up each day, grateful and happy to be with the person you are in a relationship with. Have a great Sunday my friends.
Anyhow...thats not the purpose of this blog. I have received much encouragement of late from blog pals to continue writing. The nervousnes of saying the wrong...or perhaps even stupid things has started to lesson.
Something deep inside me has been stirring. I have started doing things I havent done for so so long. This will sound crazy, and perhaps to some, not that important, but I have begun to take more of an interest in my appearance. I have many nice clothes, but was always just jumping out of the shower and throwing on a pair of jeans and a sweater for work. My employer isnt upset by that...he doesnt even notice what I wear...just cares that my work is done in a capable manner.
What I wondered...was all this about. The taking care with choosing my clothes...the new methods of skin care...the applying of makeup...the desire to let my hair grow long enough to play around with it a little bit. Its not I can assure you...and desire to look good for someone else. I think...and again I dont know if this sounds reasonable...its a way to show my husband how much I care.
I am married to the most wonderful and loyal man. He loves me no matter what...but I havent been putting much effort into my relationship with him for a long time now. The little things count I believe.
Recently...he has been having severe chest pain, that the docs gave him nitro for. I have changed both our diets significantly....he has lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks...due to his food changes, and he is working out 3 days a week. I dont mind telling you though, that until all his test results come back, I am afraid. His blood pressure is awful, and the day they gave him the nitro his blood pressure was 229 over 172. I know the docs were scared that day. Of course Mike is stubborn...and refuses to miss even 5 min of work.."sigh"
He goes for a stress test on the 16th. These tests can take awhile to arrange, but I went to his doc with him, and I was very blunt and just a tad angry. I did this...because I believe we all need someone to advocate for us with docs and hospitals.
I think what it did, was trigger the memory of my mothers death. I was not with her in the hospital...for which my guilt is horrendous. Had I been there....I would have been able to notice that her blood sugar was dropping and she needed help. I would have pounded desks if I had to....and I believe my mother would still be alive. She had a mastectomy...and I wanted to be there, but I lived far away, and she told me she wanted me to come when they discharged her...which would have only been 2 more days. Against my better judgement...I listened. I have paid a price for that for the last 10 years. Sorry...got off track...this isnt about my mom...its about Mike, and my concern for him.
Any how....I am trying to ensure that when he comes home to his new diet foods...he also comes home to a wife who tries to look as attractive as she can for him. Perhaps this is too much info...especially for a Sunday...but I have even become the aggressor in the bedroom....a far cry from my earlier nature. To see the ways his eyes light up with delight makes me happy.
I want him to know just how much I love him....that I will do all it takes to keep him healthy and happy....and that life would be not worth much without him. Its a shame it takes a scare or illness for this to happen in a relationship...but I know that if often does.
My hope is for all of you....to enjoy your relationships. To get up each day, grateful and happy to be with the person you are in a relationship with. Have a great Sunday my friends.
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